With the realization and resolve to commence and continue a shaking feeling always tugs deep into the mind. A feeling asking you if you’ll even ever be able to. Your plans and work. They do cause and create you but will you even be able to be resilient and not stop? Maybe something might distract you or maybe you’ll just give up because of something you know will stop you.
So! The best conciliatory thing to do is to add “on its own”. To your plans. You will have no other choice. Your sole purpose dictated by your will and focus is to do what there is.
I am having a great day today. I woke up before the alarm set off and never felt the need to just not commence my day. I ate breakfast. I went to the studio and painted a very large and difficult composition. I was impressed at how almost automatically I felt a fifteen minute break between painting sessions was good enough. I played an audio book initially but soon moved to some super psyched south Asian qawwali music. I shared it on my Instagram story too. And soon I came to a point where I felt the painting was complete. By soon I mean 5 hours but maybe that’s me just enjoying what I did. The gratification of how I’ll post it online and receive likes and comments played it’s part.
On my way back I played the flute while walking down the street. I stepped into the subway. I continued playing. My train came and I found a seat. I played my Bluetooth speaker on repeat to a tabla and tanpura beat. I saw the people who were listening. I saw 2 fall a sleep. I saw one standing person close their eyes and just breath deeply.
145 street station came and I paused the loop. A lady walked up to me and said “thank you for playing the flute it was so relaxing”. I came upto to the room and smiled at my self in the mirror.